Sickness Quotient: 50%
You think everyone is out to get you, and you're absolutely right. It's because you're an awful person without any redeeming qualities. Your friends (both of them) think you're a total clod. As long as you continue to buy the beer, however, they'll still be your pals.
Job Performance & Attitude
Your work is of so little value they should just put a shredder in place of your Out basket Your primary function at work is to serve as a bad example, but at least you do that very, very well.
Your personal motto is "Dance like nobody's watching." That' just stupid. Get a better motto.