Thanks again for the helpful comments and advice. I started this in a new post as i can't change the clip at the top of the old one and didn't want this buried down the bottom.
Old thread and clip here http://www.clanaod.net/forums/showthread.php?t=92162

Thanks to Tishka for his expert views (please no more, don't want to mess with it again lol)

Changes:

Yellow "orb" from top left of text deleted
Modified laser
Modified bullet holes and aligned better
Modified text and lighting for better vis
Modified background for more industrial/gloom/war look
Added environment partials
Added lighting effect for explosion
Added animation for text on explosion (instead of just disappearing!)
Added sound at start (timing was a pain)
Shorten whole sequence by around 42seconds