Just wanted to share a recent piece of my work I performed at a Spoken Word venue
I wrote this particularly about an incident where I was involved in a double murder, the whole sh'bang shortly ensued after said event (two brothers). Long story short, this was a complete twist in my writing in which I tried relating to everyone who suffers from it and maybe give insight to those who dont. Also, I didn't know where to post this, I do apologize and I was going to post it in the graphics section but.... Wasn't sure? Sorry in advance and thank you for taking a glance at this. Peace
"P T S D"
Instrumental it was written and performed to:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-YJpnOyRmI
"You cannot change what you refuse to confront"
One week after the fourth of July torment arrived... now I don't normally cry but this story of mine sits sorely inside..
I took a week, I took a month, shit! I took till it manifested almost becoming anorexic and defected feelin' sorry in life
'fore I could speak about this journey I ride.. every morning arrives and mourning arises, I got shotgun in this foreigning mind..
I couldn't sleep and would vomit in fights, I wouldn't breathe, I wouldn't eat cos I couldn't dream and hear horrors at night..
quick jolts of reaction out of impulsive attacks in defense in madness was like cries for help inside a cell I was forced in to die..
when it triggers, the world goes blank..I black out and see their murder inked then I pull a mask down thwarting demise..
I'd scratch till tissue exposed - sitting alone - as it seemed I was sipping through holes just to breathe - gripping a bowl -
fingers of souls're a sword in my side, a grip on my bones, crippling blows, one touch'll leave me obliterated, stiff in the cold...
Scared? Yes.. always the first to blink.. hard time flows like blindfolds as eyes sew minds blown till these words will brink..
this curse'll bring many heart aches and dark days but I'll never give up on this tethering grudge cos i'm on the verge of it..
like a birds plummet...
*BANG * BANG*
I yell "STOP THE CAR!" and "GET DOWN", tires screech and I step out only to see they robbed their hearts and sped out..
wreckage and blessings - the immediate thoughts - it's weird knowing it was me he last saw - did he know I helped out?
sound barriers have broken, I'm mad now and I'm focused, I know fireworks don't echo and its what I heard that was hopeless,
I see him bleeding from a hole in his throat, choking, lookin like he's holding a rope tryna climb it but he's slippin' and fallin'...
trying to get to his baby brother muttering "mother im sorry", I stutter on heartbeats on the phone with 911 grippin his collar..
his gurgling, murmuring slows, I'm witness to a murder scene, the first to see the third degree, smelling eternal dreams; and done..
kept askin if he accepted Jesus just to help ease it maybe help him see it, didn't think death lingered after a soul has released 'em..
I felt it, the cold chill of a life being taken that didn't want to leave, saw God first hand and he wasn't even there.. I got to see it...
*.....................*
From the moment my eyes open.. my lifes focus is to over come what had happened, I tried my best to save them I know it..
I embraced in the moment, took a chance to control it, nothing worked but the fact that I tried made me realize the heroics..
I see eyes when im rollin back in my head, stress attacks till im dead it seems and I feel the back of my mind battlin' nerves and
its always a fight till tragic has worsened and the black becomes curtains every waking second and im mad cos im hurtin', hurtin'...
but nowadays from countless rage taking over my outer place i've learned to have hope and speak away with the words inside,
findin' reasons of what I've learned in life, never sleep on opportunity, if it's in my reach I got to prove to me cos hard work defines,
there's a beast on the leash but I dont fight it, it keeps me at peace and cries like a lion but keeps a reason to beat what im fightin..
this is just a piece of my PTSD that i'm writin'.... just another chapter of the Phoenix that's flyin...
http://i57.tinypic.com/153bkue.jpg
