Results 1 to 5 of 5
  1. #1
    Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue Blutkind's Avatar
    Rank
    Forum Member
    Division
    None
    Status
    Active
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Wellington, New Zealand
    Age
    33
    Posts
    44

    Default (Off Topic) How to distinguish army ranks easily…

    Got sent this wee gem by an old Army friend of mine, fairly accurate too.
    Enjoy.

    General

    Faster than a speeding bullet.
    More powerful than a locomotive.
    Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.
    Walks on water.
    Lunches with God, but must pick up tab.

    Colonel

    Almost as fast as a speeding bullet.
    More powerful than a shunting engine on a steep incline.
    Leaps short buildings with a single bound.
    Walks on water if sea is calm.
    Talks to God.

    Lieutenant-Colonel

    Faster than an energetically thrown rock.
    Almost as powerful as a speeding bullet.
    Leaps short buildings with a running start in favourable winds.
    Walks on water of indoor swimming pools if lifeguard is present.
    May be granted audience with God if special request is approved at least three working days in advance.

    Major

    Can fire a speeding bullet with tolerable accuracy.
    Loses tug-of-war against anything mechanical.
    Makes impressively high marks when trying to leap tall buildings.
    Swims well.
    Is occasionally addressed by God, in passing.

    Captain

    Can sometimes handle firearm without shooting self.
    Is run over by trains.
    Barely clears outhouse.
    Dog paddles.
    Mumbles to self.

    Lieutenant

    Is dangerous to self and comrades if armed and unsupervised.
    Recognizes trains two out of three times.
    Runs into tall buildings.
    Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of life jacket and water wings.
    Talks to walls.

    2nd Lieutenant

    Can be trusted with either gun or ammunition but never both.
    Must have train ticket pinned to jacket and mittens tied to sleeves.
    Falls over doorsteps while trying to enter tall buildings.
    Plays in Mud puddles.
    Stutters.

    Officer Cadet

    Under no circumstances to be issued with gun or ammunition, and must even be closely supervised when handling sharp pieces of paper - staples are right out.
    Says: "Look at choo choo!"
    Not allowed inside buildings of any size.
    Makes good boat anchor.
    Mere existence makes God shudder.

    Sergeant-Major

    Catches hyper sonic armour piercing fin stabilized discarding sabot depleted uranium long rod penetrators in his teeth and eats them.
    Kicks bullet trains off their tracks.
    Uproots tall buildings and walks under them.
    Freezes water with a single glance; parts it with trifling gesture.
    Is God.

  2. #2
    Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue KillerAceUSAF's Avatar
    Rank
    Forum Member
    Division
    None
    Status
    Active
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Location
    DFW, Texas
    Age
    21
    Posts
    45

    Default

    Yup, pretty accurate, NCOs are truly the backbone of the army!

  3. #3
    If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? AOD Member AOD_B.Rubble's Avatar
    Rank
    Specialist
    Division
    War Thunder
    Status
    Active
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Las Vegas,Nv
    Age
    47
    Posts
    1,170

    Default

    I do believe You are correct Sir. However,in the Navy A CPO IS God, speaks to Jesus often, doesn't need a damn train, fires bullets w/His mind,and occasionally sits in W/the Jazz greats "Dead or alive' whilst reciting inappropriate poetry involving a Generals Daughters genitalia,and the offending stench of a Officer in the Non-Com area...
    BRUBBLE

    Bringing BedrockBedlam to a Map near YOU
    "If ur gonna ride My ass,You better pull My hair

  4. #4
    ~HaKuNa MaTaTa~ AOD Member AOD_Sworn Assassin's Avatar
    Rank
    Private First Class
    Division
    War Thunder
    Status
    Active
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    Roll Tide!!!
    Age
    29
    Posts
    4,845

    Default

    you can't spell lost without LT
    WaR~ThUnDeR ~ HaKuNa MaTaTa ~

    ~~ AOD4LiFe ~~ (R.I.P.) MOH:AA division
    https://soundcloud.com/tucker0012 ~~~ Roll Tide Roll ~~~ Alabama Crimson Tide ~~~

  5. #5
    ~HaKuNa MaTaTa~ AOD Member AOD_Sworn Assassin's Avatar
    Rank
    Private First Class
    Division
    War Thunder
    Status
    Active
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    Roll Tide!!!
    Age
    29
    Posts
    4,845

    Default

    ohhh and this can go for captain and first sergeant " decide to complete training at 1300 hours and commence having the whole company clean their weapon until 0100 hours before storing weapons in the armory and releasing the company for some much needed rest" have fun guys, PT starts at 0500 be there 15 minutes prior or ill make you bear crawl back to the barracks, grab me a beer, then bear crawl back.

    :(
    WaR~ThUnDeR ~ HaKuNa MaTaTa ~

    ~~ AOD4LiFe ~~ (R.I.P.) MOH:AA division
    https://soundcloud.com/tucker0012 ~~~ Roll Tide Roll ~~~ Alabama Crimson Tide ~~~


 

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
vBulletin Skin By: ForumThemes.com
Top