Yay, I get to spend today troubleshooting!

But seriously my computer did some updates today and decided to do the black screen of death. It's 8.1, it has a mobile cursor, task manager and Ctrl alt Del work, programs will not start, and the task bar is visible with only the windows logo. The only accessible thing outside of Ctrl alt Del is the right click menu for the task bar. I cannot force programs to run via task manager but I can stop them. There are no suspicious programs in task manager and I can access safe mode.

Sent from an undisclosed location...